This is where I found
Badgley this morning. I'm actually surprised that it took him so long to find a comfortable napping spot in the stroller.
Badgley is still groggy in this picture.
It has been one those weeks. I feel like Sisyphus eternally pushing the rock up the hill only to have it roll back down again (go to
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sisyphus if you want the whole story). I have managed to lose more things in the last 3 days than I have in the last 6 months: my folding calculator, my collection of state quarters and most importantly- my sanity. These calculator and quarters seem trivial to the average person but I was convinced that these things were missing just to mess with my head. After spending some time looking for both items (in between
Geagen's interminable crying spells) I did ultimately find them (my search was not in vain). I found the calculator (under the recliner) in time for my monthly trek to
Wal-Mart and when I found the quarters (in a box full of kitchen utensil- don't ask. I still can't figure that one out- I guess that's why they were lost.) I put the Alaska quarter in it's rightful spot between Arizona and Hawaii. The thing that really bugged me about the quarters was how long I had been saving them- I didn't want 9 1/2 years of faithful saving to go waste in my
determination to have a full set of state quarters.
Once the calculator had been found I was ready to head to the store.
Geagen and I were ready- I made sure she was fed and even gave her a bath to try and relax her so she would sleep peacefully in the shopping cart. I'm not sure if it was act of great bravery or foolishness to go on the first day of the month but I went anyway. I was sure that with all of my preparations including an aisle-by-aisle indexed grocery list, a fully stocked diaper bag to ward off any sort of baby emergency, coupons and a whole bunch of cash (courtesy of Dave Ramsey's envelope system that we just
implemented), that it would be quick excursion in and out of the store because I was ready. I'm sure there have been military invasions involving less planning but I wasn't taking any chances. I should have known the trip was doomed from the start when I realized I had worn my sunglasses in the store and didn't want to waste the energy to retrieve my regular glasses from the console of the van. My next stop was the pharmacy to change our insurance plan cards- it only took 3 phone calls to straighten that out. Then I headed into the grocery aisles armed with the aforementioned list and
Geagen in her baby carrier only to realize that the bath didn't do anything except make her smell pretty. And then the crying began so we headed to the benches at the back of the store and I cracked open the formula. I made sure she was full and got rid of all the burps and made sure she was content and loaded her back into her carrier and proceeded to carry out my master plan. She slept for a few minutes and then the crying began again so I repeated the above process (by the way- there should be some sort of plaque on that bench because we have used it so much lately I feel that it is rightfully mine by now). In my wisdom I decided that I would continue on in my trek because the cupboards were bare and the pioneers wouldn't have given up so easily (they also wouldn't be shopping at
Wal-Mart but that is another matter altogether) and we were already halfway through our journey so I couldn't possibly abandon my quest. I also figured that since she was inconsolable that there wasn't anything I could do anyway so I might as well get the shopping done instead of just
being at home with her screaming there. Twisted logic I know. I tried to soothe
Geagen as we made our way up and down the aisles while I was faithfully crossing things off the list and adding up the total on my calculator- sometimes it was a
successful process and sometimes it wasn't. The other thing I learned is that when you have a screaming infant with you in the store everyone feels the need to see what's going on and offer some sort of advice which only served to make me feel like a total moron and slowed me down all that same time. It only took 4 1/2 hours to complete our shopping with all of the drama sandwiched in between and I did manage to stick to the cash in the envelopes which was very successful (I will say that Dave is right about spending cash- it is much more emotional than using a debit card. It was painful to say goodbye to all of the presidents- it seemed like our time together had just begun before it was over.). My sanity was truly gone by the time the last coupons and money exchanged hands. I managed to make it out of the store and started for home and felt that a stop at the gas station was in order since everything had gone so well (read: we made it out alive!). I was especially pleased with myself because the gas station had gas 2 cents cheaper than in Nyssa- because gas is always more expensive in Nyssa. I realized when I drove by the gas station in Nyssa that gas had dropped a full 10 cents in the 5 hours that I had been gone. It was the last straw. Also on the way home, Jon called to see where I was because he had locked himself out of the house and wanted to know when I would be home. I eventually made it through the front door and planned to spend the evening putting away groceries after making dinner and putting the baby to bed, but alas, this was not to be. I no sooner got home and realized that it seemed like my bill was higher than I had
anticipated and hadn't given it much thought other than my calculations were probably off due to a screaming baby and a crowded store. [Please understand that the Ontario
Wal-Mart serves the Greater So-Not-Metropolitan Area of East Podunk (at least 5 counties, 2 states and 2 time zones- nothing big). It was like something out of a Jeff
Foxworthy sketch- I had never seen such a gathering of people. It was like watching the Waffle House Wedding video (I highly recommend it if you haven't seen it already- then it will all make sense) {
http://www.gwinnett%20dailypost.%20com/ftp/multimed%20ia/wafflewedding%20x/publish_%20to_web} except it was live and in person with front row tickets. It was like a train wreck that you just couldn't turn away from and you aren't sure if you should be repulsed or amused.] After scanning the receipts for clues as to where the money went I realized that I had been double-charged for my cottage cheese ($5.66 is a lot of money when you are pinching pennies!) and that a
return to trip to
Wal-Mart was in order to ensure that my money would be refunded. Jon very sweetly offered to take me out Carl's Jr. so I wouldn't have to make dinner. He later told me that this offer was as much for the sake of my sanity (which was completely gone by this point) and the quality and safety of tonight's dinner (He figured it would either be burnt beyond all recognition
and require dental records to identify the entree or that I would have poisoned it in a crazy plot to end it all. Either way he
wasn't taking any chances.). By this point I wasn't sure who was sobbing harder- me or the baby. A quick call to Auntie Robin ensured us we could drop off the baby and have an hour or so of peace. So off we went- we made it back to the store and our money was refunded and I swear that my Six Dollar Western Cheeseburger was the best food I have tasted since I had the baby (I have never been so excited about having beef broth and jello for dinner after not having food for over 24 hours.). Of course once we got back to Robin's house we learned that she was still screaming after a short nap to renew her strength and lung power. Thankfully by that point she was exhausted and gave in after an hour or so of Daddy rocking her to sleep. She looked like a tiny sleeping angel in her swing and I said a silent (for fear of waking her) but fervent prayer that she would sleep until morning.
So know you know the fateful of story of The Trip to
Wal-Mart on the First of the Month. Please let it be a cautionary tale to you should you decide to follow in my footsteps.
